had this chat with cjm last night... and i'm quite mad after our chat... hmm... dunno whether any of the intended audience would ever get to read this... even if they never would... i just feel like making my feelings known... hopefully they would read this and would wake up... as if their wakeup calls were not enough already... hope i dun get anyone in trouble for this... basically nothing can possibly happen to me no matter what i say here, no matter how i choose to scold you ppl cos i'm no longer under the empress' reign of control (lucky me) i just hope that i wun get anyone else in trouble... that's the last thing that i want to happen... so before i start, i would want to add that the comments that i have written below is entirely my own feeling and thoughts and have nothing to do with anyone else. why? cos i have my own brain and my fingers are my own... so these word are complete, word by word from me and if you are unhappy bout that, please feel free to contact me, flood my email or shout obscenities at me... cos I DON'T CARE!!! I DON'T FREAKING CARE THAT YOU ARE HURT BY MY WORDS!!! if you have a tiny bit of guts, you would come look for me... ok, with that across, i shall start...

seriously i dunno how the sec twos (yes our directs) can be so relaxed when cadenza is just round the corner... long since dunno when, i had the feeling that they are SERIOUSLY pampered... by who??? haha... do you still need to ask??? no what! they are our princesses! we must protect them! cannot let anyone utter a single reprimanding word to them! no! we can't even let the wind blow at them cos the would just shatter into pieces!!! oh well... that isn't a problem if what you are 'manufacturing' are little snobbish princessses who are groomed for the comfortable life and would give up at the sight of a challenge or hard work... ah hah... i finally realised that my concept of the phrase "daughters of a better age" was completely twisted!!!

no! no need to practice and cadenza will turn out just FINE! just like how inunion was! i am disappointed... to think inunion actually failed to wake you ppl up... you guys should even consider yourselves lucky to recieve a scolding so late... (i think this is by far the latest... i wonder how much worse it can actually get) and that you have seniors who actually shed tears for you... (i finally know how our directs felt during cadenza 9...) and to think you had the cheek to say that they cried to let you pity them... MY FOOT... please dun think too highly of yourself princess... seriously i can't wait for the day when your bloody ego that is the size of an elephant would get squashed... i CAN'T wait... :) let jiejie correct you... they cried cos THEY PITY YOU! the fact that you can never enjoy the music, never get to know what being a band girl is all about, never committing yourself to anything is a pity... all i have for you is pity and sympathy... note that it's not empathy... no... i simply PITY you... you poor little deprived princess living in that tiny castle in a well...

they cried cos they care... (unlike you) and i can guess from your response that it was a mistake to even care from you right from the start... cos you dun deserve it... HOW DARE YOU TREAT THEM LIKE THAT. it hurts me to know that my batchmates, whom i love so dearly, are treated like that... they put in so much effort and worry so much about you when you yourself dun even give a shit... they even blame themselves of your attitude and your playing, when all you do is mock at them... WELL DONE! has it ever occured to you that every time your seniors scold you, they are scolded twice as worst by the teachers... but yet they bother to scold you... despite the consequences... isn't that a great enough hint??? HINT!!!

wake up! WAKE UP! isn't inunion a good enough wakeup call... i'm so seriously disappointed... cadenza is very important to our batch... and i know they are trying their best to revive the spirit of cadenza... they have not given up yet and believe that miracle would happen... they BELIEVE... but do you know that they are still humans and humans would get tired some day... i hope that day would never arrive... but it's not up to me to decide, but you... i know that ever since the day that i left, i would have little say... i would not be even able to help... but i'm trying to do something now... to try to wake you up... do not think that cadenza would just automatically become magical for you... it's a priviledge, not a necessity, not something to be taken for granted... and you have to work towards it... if you don't practice, expect to hear what you hear right now for cadenza... if you wanna screw up every single thing that you do, just go flunk every single one of your exams... dun screw up a performance... cos you would be dragging many other ppl along with you... band is a teamwork thing... once you committed yourself to it, you are responsible for your playing as well as each others... which means you don't have the right to ruin other ppl's evening just because of a single mistake from you... whether or not you want to make cadenza a night to remember, whether or not you want a standing ovation, whether or not you want to hear the words 'encore' is up to you... just remember that there's no such thing as 不劳而获 and that 守株待兔doesn't work... if you are contented with another inunion... then there's nothing much i can say other than I PITY YOU.

and i mean it.

i've said my piece and if you'd excuse me, i still have a disgusting english speech to finish...

<3 had a cup of tea at 8:18:00 PM